Monday, November 27, 2006

FATHER, NOW I KNOW

Father, now I know
How it hurts you though I was never told.

You call me by name before I was conceived
You have the best plan for me beyond believe.

In my young faltering steps
Your hands were always there to guide and protect.

When I grow old enough to run
Ignored your warning to have some fun.

I wandered into the hubble-bubble of the game
Amidst the clamouring noise and jostling frames

I grabbed a hand in the jumble
Mistaken that it would help me from my stumble

I heard your voice trailing, ' Come back to me.........'
But I was whisked away before I agreed.

By the time I see you again
I was nothing but a broken man.

Years of wandering left me in defeat
My eyes are frail and my voice is weak.

I said, 'Father, do you know this wretched soul?'
You said, 'My child, you are never out of my sight,
Come home, my lamb, into my fold.'

Father, now I know
How much it hurts you though I was never told.


~ by Joanna ~

Friday, November 24, 2006

I am so glad we signed up to serve at the two days conference about 'Care groups'. Not only did we ended up saving at least $100 registration fee for one person to attend the conference. We both ended up learning the real meaning of doing church.

The message I got out most is being an authentic Christian - sharing my trials and failours with others and hopefully also how God uses them to build me up. For years, I had been playing the game of being a super Christian on Sunday - that I was problem free, in truth, I need the approval of others more than God's. In reality, I was panted up with frustration, loneliness and sadness. Though situation is slowly improveing, I still enjoy going to Divorce Care Group with Yuka. The people there are the brave ones who came out from the closet to say 'I need help". There is an air of authenticity in that room that seems to be an fragrant aroma in the sight of God. Afterall, he paid a hard price to come to be with the broken, the sick and the despaired ones. Why do we need to pretend that we are well? We are not redeemed to become Pharisees?

Therefore the Bible says authentic Christians should look out for the welfare of others, not just his own. How many more families can be spared from heartaches if we all do our job.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Escapesisum is the worst way to plan our life. sooner or later, we still have to face the very thing that we don't like to deal with.
Take my example, my goal was to be a missionary and to have a family. Instead of focusing on God and letting him to lead me to my destiny, I relied on my own understanding. The result is less than satisfying even though I have the two children I wanted most. If I am in the centre of God's will, there may be risky moments (afterall, what can be safer than in the hands of God, even death). It would be worth for the two to experience the power of God and have their spiritual lives on fire.

Take my friend Yuka's example, she finally had the dream of her life came true - being an air hostess for Japan Airline. But she found it hared to deal with the internal personnel problems. Instead of acquiring the skill to cope with it, she oped for marriage, the result is also less than satisfying.

The same story can go on and on with many people. May be it is human nature to take for granted people whom one supposes to love, protect and respect. May be for many, the urge to conquer and possess or to belonged is subsided. There are other goals in life to turn their attention to. The one who stay home gradually give up more and more say in decision making. May be one feels less contributing to the family because one does not bring in the money. May be our society does not place high value on the work of a home maker. May be it is one's own fault to try to please the other one too much and have oneself backed to a corner. Whaever it is, disillusion sets in, one has to find a way to escape again.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Three days holiday on Rememberance day week end went passed like a whirlwind. Was sick the whole Friday night with stomach flu until 6 in the morning. Promised Yuka to pick up the discount drawer for her while she is in Japan. Arrived Ikea with John at 8:30a.m. so we can dash to the floor display at 9. To my relief, no one was after the same thing as we did. So we took both drawers at 2/3 of the origional price. It pays to ask the staff when and what they have discount. To stack two chest drawers in the van was quite changelling. I was pooped after dropping off the one at Yuka's. Now Jared has a nicer piece of furniture after 22 years. :)

Young pastor Scott's sermon of John 4 was excellent. Everything he said echoes in my heart.
Wrote my first children's story and headed out to Vancouver to meet Jo at the Thai Resturant.
Jared's friend Eric came along too. Arroy-D is quite an unique resturant, lovely Thai deco and
atmosphere. The menu is quite interesting, I feel like trying everything. Alas, Jo made up my mind for me. Food was delicious and plentifuly. We ate to our hearts delight. It was fun.

Back to swiming first time after many weeks Monday morning. Felt good. Especially after the bulging stomach after last night's good meal. Met with Terry for coffee and gave him some encouraging words about changing church. Even him feels he is stuck in a rut now. Did a whole bunch of errands and broke branches off different trees. Now I feel like I have done my lesson preparation on leaves. The classroom looks very educational with the branches in their jars.
Sure will impress the parents who come in for observation this month.

But boy, there are still so many things I want to get done in that room. Guess I work better to reclaim my life!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

On a quiet morning in May, while the sun opens up one of his eyelids pushing away just a little bit of darkness, little bird stirs and ruffles in her nest restlessly. She's been waiting for this moment in her dreams that she will be the first one to sing with her golden voice to-day.

She tip-toe to the edge of her nest carefully, afraid to wake up the rest of her family. She hops to the first brach above her, pauses and turn her head around to consider the best location where her voice can be carried the farthest. She hops in and out the braches a few time. At last she found this branch that seems to extend farthest from the trunk of the tree pointing toward a roll of houses.

She shakes her little head a few times to clear her throat. Then the most amazing song comes out from her. It was like the sound of the magic flute, wrapping around and dancing with the ribbon of the crispy air.

Soon the sun was stired up more by this enchanting melody that he decided to have a peek through the sleepy clouds to see who is singing. Little bird was most delighted that she has an audience. It arouses all the passion and enthusiasum in her to add to her songs. She gave her best performance that day and for many days following.

Meanwhile the people in the neighborhood starts to notice little bird's singing first thing in the morning. And they said how fortunate they are to be treated to the beautiful voice.

Among one of those houses, lives a little boy and his mom. The little boy had been ill for quite some time. His little body was frail and cannot carry him where he wants to go. So he stays home instead of going to school like his friends. His bed was close to the window. Some nights when he could not sleep well, he look forward to day break when he can hear little bird's sweet voice agin. Somehow, it always succeed chasing away his pain.

One day, the little boy thought to himself, how nice it would be if little bird can stay with him all the time and sing to him day and night. So he asked his mom if she would find the prettiest bird cage in town. His mom search through all the stores and came back with a silver cage laced with dainty and intricate metallic flowers. It would make just the right home for little bird.

So every day, the little boy would open wide his window first thing in the morning. He would hang the bird cage right outside the window. On the cage, he would hang different kinds of fruit pieces to attract little bird and inside the cage, he would have a dish of the best bird seeds and a pretty cup for water. Beside them he places the little bird's most favorite fruit - the juiciest and pink looking pomergranite.

After her heartful singing, little bird felt very thirsty and she would circle around until she found something to eat or drink. She had seen this strange looking thing hanging by one of the windowsn in the last few days. This time she decided to fly close to investigate what it is. To her amazement, it hung the very things she has been looking for. It seems like someone was laying out a feast waiting for her. So she flew to the cage and hung on the outside with her little claws. She tried the tasty fruit one by one. Fom time to time she flew back to the branch near by and thinking to herself how lucky she found this wonderful place.

Then one day, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the beautiful pomergranite sitting in side the cage. 'Oh, how I must have missed this rare treat, I must give it a try'. So into the cage she flew. With her little beak, she digs into the juicy fruit and lift up her head for the most satisfying drink in her life.

When she had her fill, she looked around trying to find her way out. Somehow, the opening seems to have disappeared. After some fractic try without success. Little bird settled down to regain her breath. She looked around some more and found the water and bird seeds. Well at least, she would not have to worry about food today.

For the next little while, little bird got used to the little face that perched outside the cage and the kind stranger who keeps bringing her food and delicious treat everyday. She would sing her songs of delight whenever her little tummy is full. She was glad that she does not have to brave the scourging heat, the merciless rain and wind out there any more, nor the threat of the mean looking hawks with their gigantic shadows.

Days go by, the little boy's face was turning pink from pale white and looks like a little red plum with two dark pits. Day after day, his body was revived and grew stronger.
But for some reason, little bird starts to lose her enthusiasum to sing any more. Life is very predictable in the cage. Sometimes, she can't even tell the difference of day and night. She is pleased with such a easy life but she is sad too in a way. She wonders in her head what has gone wrong?

Then comes a day, after the regular providence of abundant fruit and bird seeds, little bird discovered the latch on the door was unhooked. She gave a gentle push with the tip of her wing, the door opens up to her amazement. She stood at the threshold of the door wondering what she should do. Should she leave behind this comfortable place or should she try her wings again?

She fluffed up her feather and pumped up her wings, she was not sure if they would work anymore. All of a sudden, the air around her seem to lift her off her feet, in an instant, she was airborn. She couldn't believe herself this is really happening. She soared above the rolls of houses. She dipped and dived close to the tree tops, the trees seems to open up their arms to cheer her on.

She flew for hours. She could feel her blood running inside her and her heart beating again. At last, the sun even seem to get tire and wants to go to bed. Then little bird took a glide and landed on one of the tree top. For some reason, she feels like singing even at this time of the day. She opens her throat and out pour the most heart warming song. Neighbors were most surprised and delighted to hear that beautiful and familiar voice again. They smiled to each other. Deep in her heart, little bird knew that she had made the right choice.